While I was in China, I wrote a post called Songs That Have Saved My Life. Since then, I have, of course, been depressed, but there's been, mixed in, a different kind of depressed, where it feels like... the world is ending; the air is dilating light; the whole world turns a colour that I do not know. When I get like this, I like to go for walks, walks where I tend to drift onto the road and will a car to hit me. But I always step away, not only because getting hit by a car not only sounds painful but is also selfish, but because of a certain type of song.
Agony - Yung Lean
Eye Contact - Yung Lean
Hotel in Minsk - Jonatan Leandoer27
The first three songs, as you can see, are by the same person, albeit under a couple of different aliases. He's struggled considerably with mental illness, having been put in a psych ward a couple of years ago (his manager died in a car crash on the way to deliver lean some recording equipment, which can't have helped his mental state), including what I think might border on schizophrenia ("when I was in the hospital I saw you" from Hennessy & Sailor Moon, "my furniture has come alive" from Agony). And his world, described in these three or so songs, as well as the music video of Eye Contact, is so perfectly the world I see when I get in these depressive states.
Much like with the Peep songs that have saved my life, these songs remind me that I can't die until I've written something to capture this magical, surreal, colour-filtered world we seem to get stuck in. I can't die till I can write like he can. And he's even better, because he can turn his poems into music.
Quickly, here are some other songs in the same vein:
emocean- Yung Bruh
Song to the Siren - This Mortal Coil
And, you know what? On one of my walks through this strange world, I managed to write a poem that, at least briefly, captures it. Here it is, as of yet untitled:
I can't die yet, because it's not good enough, but it's a start.
(The last three lines have come true in a way I wasn't expecting, and I wish it hadn't.)
Agony - Yung Lean
Eye Contact - Yung Lean
Hotel in Minsk - Jonatan Leandoer27
The first three songs, as you can see, are by the same person, albeit under a couple of different aliases. He's struggled considerably with mental illness, having been put in a psych ward a couple of years ago (his manager died in a car crash on the way to deliver lean some recording equipment, which can't have helped his mental state), including what I think might border on schizophrenia ("when I was in the hospital I saw you" from Hennessy & Sailor Moon, "my furniture has come alive" from Agony). And his world, described in these three or so songs, as well as the music video of Eye Contact, is so perfectly the world I see when I get in these depressive states.
Much like with the Peep songs that have saved my life, these songs remind me that I can't die until I've written something to capture this magical, surreal, colour-filtered world we seem to get stuck in. I can't die till I can write like he can. And he's even better, because he can turn his poems into music.
Quickly, here are some other songs in the same vein:
emocean- Yung Bruh
Song to the Siren - This Mortal Coil
And, you know what? On one of my walks through this strange world, I managed to write a poem that, at least briefly, captures it. Here it is, as of yet untitled:
The references to yung lean, as well as virginia woolf, are clear.
I can't die yet, because it's not good enough, but it's a start.
(The last three lines have come true in a way I wasn't expecting, and I wish it hadn't.)
Comments
Post a Comment